At Christian Counseling of Texas, we are specialists in working with adult individuals. Sorry, but we do not work with children or teens or provide family counseling. If you wish to schedule an appointment or obtain additional information about any of our counseling services, please call us at 817-718-7100.
Everyday life can put an abundant strain on a relationship. Severe stressors may include resentment, infidelity, intimacy issues, lack of trust, and miscommunication. When problems go unresolved, or a partner is suffering from mental illness or health complications, one can feel helpless or have feelings of guilt or shame. Communicating effectively on both parts can alleviate emotional anxiety from subjects of all kind.
Couples often seek couples or marriage counseling when the relationship is at a standstill, or if they are unsure whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging. This type of therapy can even benefit families with children who have been affected by relationship issues such as divorce, and confront the source of the conflict.
Treatment techniques may include the following depending on the therapist:
- Getting to the root of the problem
- Improving communication
- Learning how to de-escalate arguments
- Resolving fight traps
When a relationship shows signs of addiction, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and/or severe depression, seek guidance from a counselor immediately, for your safety and your partner.
MARRIAGE COUNSELING
Some marriages are skeleton marriages. Just a bare-bones remnant of what it was once upon a time. The problems have been going on for so long that the couple has become hopeless, bitter, angry, etc. In the worst cases, drugs, adultery, and domestic violence have run rampant, making the marriage's level of care so severe that only a miracle can help, not a counselor. Nevertheless, God sometimes uses counselors to restore even these otherwise hopeless cases.
Thank God, most marriages need to be tuned up, not overhauled. Even the best of marriages, those that are a match made in Heaven, have rough patches. Raising children, being a taxi cab service by driving them to extracurricular activities, work pressures, and burnout can turn stress into distress, drain your energy, leaving you a hollow shell of your former self, not having much to give to your dearly beloved spouse. The pressures cause spouses to become short-tempered, irritable, easily offended, unforgiving, and even hypercritical toward each other.
For restoration to occur through counseling, it's not only God's healing grace and the counselor's knowledge, skills, and abilities but also your hard work. Both husbands' and wives' hard work. What do you get when you plant a corn seed? A corn plant. What do you get when you plant a tomato seed? A tomato plant. What do you get when you plant the seeds of destruction in your marriage? Destruction! God will not be mocked. You reap what you sow. When you plant abundantly, you will reap abundantly. When you plant sparingly, you will reap sparingly. We can help you learn the skill sets to maximize planting good seeds and minimize planting bad seeds. With your good attitude and effort, we can be very helpful in teaching these skills. Press the reset button and reboot your marriage.
For a happy marriage, put God first, then each other. The most important issue in a marriage is a personal relationship with God. Counseling can save the marriage, but only God can save your soul. Coincidently, saving or improving your soul can save your marriage. Try not to continually butt heads on every issue which arises. Still, instead, both put it before the throne of God, waiting upon Him to guide them. Then, when you hear the voice of the Lord, harden not your hearts. Agree to let God settle any differences between you. Because before learning this skill, it would cause hostility between you.
Change your perspective. Realize your spouse is not the problem; the problem is the problem. You are not married to the problem but to your spouse. Realize that it's helpful to learn to take responsibility for your own part in marriage problems and stop blaming your spouse. It is hard enough to change ourselves. We often try and fail. So, how can we change our spouses if we can't change ourselves? Most couples have mutual allegations. For some reason, granting mutual forgiveness doesn't cross either spouse's mind. Decide to establish a quid pro quo of forgiveness. Both husband and wife should go first and not make their forgiveness contingent on the other first granting forgiveness. This will set both free from all grudges and prevent additional problems. What prevents couples from forgiving their spouse and asking their spouse for forgiveness? Well, it's not God who controls it. It's a mandate from the Master that we forgive each other just as He has forgiven us.
In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, the word of the Lord says, "Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Let's look at this as a litmus test. Since Love is patient and kind, technically, we are not acting in Love whenever we are impatient or unkind to our spouse. Love doesn't dishonor others, but any adulterous behavior is dishonoring their spouse, as well as being the worst type of emotional abuse.
Two True Stories
A priest told the following story at a marriage conference. He and another priest, wearing priestly garb, were taking a plane ride. It was a large plane with three seats on his side and two to his left. A woman was sitting next to them, who he did not pay much attention to until the flight attendant started serving food. The flight attendant asked her what she would like from the available choices. They went back and forth until the woman said she did not want lunch because she was fasting. The priest continued his story, saying that this caught his attention, and he conversed with her. Her response shocked him when he asked her what she was fasting for. She knew he was a priest by how he was dressed. She looked into his eyes and said that she and her friends were fasting for the destruction of Christian marriages. She didn't say Buddhist, Hindu, or atheistic marriages or even Jewish marriages, but Christian marriages. What are the odds of two priests and a witch sitting together on a plane? The friends she referred to were her coven. Even the dark side of spirituality knows about the power of fasting, and they practice it. Somewhere in the Bible, it mentions that sometimes when we meet someone, it is actually an angel, so I guess sometimes we can be sitting by a witch, warlock, or Satanic high priest without knowing it. If exposed to these evil souls, what hexes or curses will they try to put on us? That is why, as Christian soldiers, we must pray a lot because the enemy hates our guts and our Christian marriages.
There was a woman with a teenage son. He was a gambler, womanizer, heavy drinker, and brawler. She prayed for him for five years, and he only got worse. She prayed for him for ten years, and he got even worse. She continued to pray for him for 15 years, and still no improvement. After twenty years of begging God, suddenly, he had a metanoia, became born again, and repented of all his evil ways. Shortly after, he became a priest and then a bishop. He became a Doctor of the Church and wrote much of the theology that Catholics and Protestants believe today. He is known as St. Augustine. What would have happened if his mother stopped praying for him at five, ten, or fifteen years? Well, nobody knows, but it took twenty years. Best practice, spouses can beg God for a miracle. Stop rationalizing or minimizing your responsibility to pray for your spouse and marriage. How can your prayers be answered if you don't ask? Seek, and you shall find.
Let's put all these necessary spiritual practices aside for a moment. We can help couples learn healthy communication skills like how to de-escalate before World War III arguments make their indelible imprints on your relationship. We can teach about fight traps and how to avoid them.