Betsy Understands

When we bring a car to the mechanic we would hope they don’t look in the trunk for the motor.  All counselors legally able to practice, have had a lot of preparation. What does it profit a counselor to get a Masters degree, complete an internship, and pass a state licensing exam, if they are ignorant of spiritual realities, are heretics, or counsel against the teaching of the Christian Church. They are actually a stumbling block to their patients, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and the blind leading the blind. In some cases they are the blind trying to lead the sighted. 

Secular therapy is a gift from God to heal hurting souls.  There are the counselors who practice strict secular psychotherapy and do a really good job. Healing the infrastructure of the soul is beyond the secular therapist’s scope of work since, to implement the deeper healing, the discernment of spirits as taught by St. Ignatius is necessary.

The spirit of the world installed in many of the secular mental health licensing boards, organizations, and associations not only minimizes abortions damaging effects but also does not recognize abortion trauma as the primary cause for any, literally any, psychiatric disorders. So they don’t know how to treat psychiatric disorders caused by the abortion trauma. This specialization requires a very special skill set. There are so many therapists and also patients who suffer depression and anxiety but don’t make the connection that an abortion can cause psychiatric disorders.

There are so many stories of secular counselors who make very little progress treating patients with diagnoses like depression or anxiety because the counselors don’t understand the (abortion -  psychiatric disorder) cause and effect connection.  When they are treating psychiatric disorders, they are treating them as primary, but abortion is primary and anxiety or depression is the secondary effect. 

The spirit of the world says, “It is not traumatic for the mentally healthy man or woman but only to those who are more unstable, especially those with pre existing psychiatric diagnoses. In the case of those suffering pre existing psychiatric disorders, severity can be exacerbated. The post Abortive’s who suffer less psychological trauma often have no pre existing psychiatric disorders. These emotionally unstable post Abortive’s are overreacting, making a mountain out of a mole hill, that it is their pre abortion mental state, not the actual abortion experience, that causes post abortion trauma. This reasoning only adds insult to injury. Shame on those who further hurt a damaged soul with this additional heavy emotional baggage. Bible quote- you lay heavy burdens on others. The spirit of the world reflected in secular mental health is a covetous little imp.

This is further complicated because the post abortive patient suffering these abortion caused  psychiatric disorders themselves don’t attribute abortion as the cause. In post abortion cases the parent is honestly unaware of the possibility that some of their painful symptoms are caused by their post abortion trauma. This is partially true because there are many people who have psychiatric disorders and never had an abortion. 

Doctors are supposed to save lives, not take them, but abortion is physician assisted homicide. Since nobody is holding a gun to the ancillary staffs heads they are equally guilty.  They are equally cold hearted murders and reprobates through complicity. When two people rob a store and one kills the clerk, both are charged with murder.

Post Abortive Traumatic Re-Enactment

Post abortion trauma can make a person powerless over traumatic reanactment and also make their life unmanageable and miserable. 

In traumatic reenactment the compulsion to repeat the behavior re-traumatizes the person.  Unfortunately traumatic reenactment doesn’t quell but only snowballs with each retetition. It’s never undone just continuously redone. The trauma itself creates and reactivates emotions which becomes classically conditioned to the memory. Because of the traumatic nature there is no extinction. The repeatition becomes a negative reinforcer which promotes future repetitions. The post abortive replays the traumatic event over and over even though the origional trauma  occured years earlier.  They cross the limits of time and are experienced years later as if the abortion took place 24 hours ago. They are acting out the trauma instead of healing it out. Thinking about bad memories, experiencing their associated bad emotions with their consequent traumatic body memory is the definition of traumatic reenactments. They process their pain by continually remembering it in a losing attempt to reduce the traumatic pain but this strategy never works. The abortion trauma overwhelms their rebound ability and they become unable to bring the pendulum swing back to the center.

Some theories for traumatic reenactment include: Sometimes traumatic reenactment occurs only because there is a traumatic bond. Sometimes traumatic reenactment is just punishment. They punish themselves because they believe that their abortion was so evil that punishment is merited. These tortured souls unconsciously try to balance their interior scales of justice. At other times they are unconsciously trying to resolve it. It’s their attempt for healing that never reaches healing resolution. The scrupulous have traumatic reancatment because they mistake their memories of past sins as having committed those sins in the present. Automatic negative self talk is also a form of traumatic reenactment because it repeats itself over and over becoming more established with each cycle. It’s currently active, not behind them as is a cut’s scar, but as an open wound. Usually they don’t have insight that they are reenacting it because it is an unconscious compulsion which becomes second nature. 

Traumatic memories are different from normal memories. Regular memories can be compared to when it is drizzling outside. Traumatic memories can be compared to when there is a hurricane outside. Traumatic memories are more heavily encoded, while normal memories are generally less heavily imprinted.  Normal memories are more easy to access whereas traumatic memories are more likely stored deep within the vaults of the unconscious mind giving introspection very little access. Post abortive traumatic memories are as damaging as childhood sexual molestation. It is much more intense than mere emotional baggage.

The trauma of abortion creates a complex of thoughts that are locked up and trapped inside their unconsciousness not wanting the pain to surface into consciousness. The pain is like a spring loaded dart.  When a person compresses the spring and holds it in the compressed state not allowing it to relax, this is what is going on within the post abortive who responds with traumatic reenactment. People with a lot of unresolved traumatic memories often develop a false personality which controls their day to day behaviors and feelings.  

In what ways is traumatic reenactment similar to suicidal ideation? Both are terrible mental states. Traumatic reenactment seems to start at the same place within a person’s soul as does suicidal ideation.  Ten layers down, deep within the souls infrastructure.  But it takes a different route out of the soul in how it manifests and interacts with the world.  It works its way to the surface and goes through a persons personality with its various motives, virtues, passions, character, obstacles, etc., it comes out in altered form. The post abortive suffering traumatic reenactment does not have an unconscious death wish, only an unconscious wish to punish themselves. Suicidal pain is mingled with hopelessness, low self worth, and despair, while in post abortive traumatic reanactment it’s shame and guilt. Suicide is to depressive and anxiety induced thoughts and behaviors while traumatic reenactment is trauma induced feelings and behavior.

The date of the abortion, the expected delivery date, the season, weather, etc., can trigger tramatic reenactment. Depending on the reactions level of dysfunction, the trauma can range from very mild to retraumatizing. Even years after the abortion there are still triggers that can upset the person inproportionately.

Often when the post abortive mother opens her heart toward any baby she simultaneously opens her heart to her aborted baby. So, to avoid being retraumatized they don’t allow themselves to open their heart to any children. That’s why some women who have an abortion don’t want to be around children or hear the word abortion, because it reactivates unresolved trauma.

Another example is the woman who left the mall to go to her car. As she was opening her cardoor, the door of the van parked next to her car swung open and a rapist dragged her into the van, kidnaped her, raped her, and left her for dead on the side of the road.  But she lived.  Three years later she is still extremely traumatized.  She often imagines seeing the person or the van when they are not actually there.  She has nightmares, can’t enjoy sex with her husband, has a multitude of intrusive thoughts which blame her for the offense having had happened.  Now the same event but with a different woman.  Three years later, although she remembers that she was raped and that she would never open her car door when there was a van parked next to it, she enjoys sex with her husband, doesn’t have nightmares, and doesn’t imagine seeing the rapist.  Same experience two different responses.

We hear stories about a parent whose child was kidnapped and 10 years later the child’s room is exactly the same.  Even the toys on the floor have not been removed.  It could be some hope about the child returning that would make the enshrinement less a barrier to recovery.  Some post-abortive men and women keep a copy of the sonagram even 20+ years. Vilomoms holding pictures of dead babies.

Traumatic reenactment generates destruction in the mind, not renewing. When minds are renewed they don’t lose the memory but they loose its pain. Post abortive parents can get to the point of remembering their child without the debilitating traumatic grief. Healing means having the memories without the emotional pain previously attached to them. God can take traumatic memories and transform them into normal memories.

Healing quells the abortion trauma’s negative valence. Part of healing this is to create a new narrative in the person’s life by attributing different values to the events that were previously traumatic. As Jesus takes “a bad” and turns it into “a good,” we as adopted Children of God would take the trauma experience, and live life freed from the trauma.

Here the inner child is defined as the age the person experienced the abortion trauma.  This inner child must be found, nurtured, and embraced in order for genuine healing to occur. When an adult patient can experience their inner child so much reparative work is automatically done. By going back to the time of the trauma and dealing with it through nurturing compassion it causes a tidal wave of healing to go from the past into the present. In order to be healed, the post abortive has to embrace their pain and work through it with their adult brain instead of defaulting to their inner child’s reasoning. This way they reprocess their trauma and its negative valence is purified. Recommend to the post abortive soul which is experiencing traumatic reanactment to pray for God to purify their memories.

Jesus’s suffering redemed our past, present, and future, but the abortion trauma’s temporal consequences in the memory often remain intact and manifest in traumatic reanctment.

The abortion trauma makes such a deep indelible imprint that until God gets into their soul and heals it they may continue to reenact it for the rest of their lives.

Negative Self Talk

The post abortive suffer because their self talk is heavy into negative self talk. The negative self talk is also automatic. It happens like a reflex, without thinking, forethought, or trying. These thoughts and feelings go by several names. For example, internal monologue, self-limiting thoughts, self defeating thoughts, stream of consciousness, pathological critic, to name some of the more popular names. 

It happens like this. When a child  repeatedly hears, “You’re a bad person,” as an adult it’s common to automatically think, “I’m a bad person.” Automatic negative self talk becomes internalized.  The person doesn’t even notice it, it becomes part of who they are.  Early memories follow them and control them even into adulthood. Negative self talk appears to be who they are, but it isn’t us, it’s how their minds software was programmed. Once internalized it becomes intrusive thoughts. As an adult they respond like the child they were when the ANTS were installed. It alters the person’s perception from normal into a very slanted way of seeing themselves. Negative self talk colors their world and it becomes their dysfunctional gaze which only sees their shortcommings and failures. They pathologically focus on negative thoughts while  ignoring good thoughts. How a person feels is based on how they think and these souls judge themselves based on their automatic negative self thoughts misperceptions. The imprint left behind from abortion is indeliable. 

Installed during the past, automatic negative self thoughts effect the way people think, feel, and act in the present, but they also effect our future decisions. When those suffering with ANTS look at a future event with its 1000 different possible outcomes, the person with negative self talk will scan them all and find the worst one and then latch on to it. The Bible tells us to meditate on good and holy things but these unfortunates meditate on avoiding evil.

Abortion generates a lot of negative self talk. It is constantly telling them that they are no good and worthless parent. More strongly ingrained into the fabric of their deep soul. A person can easily emotionally cripple themselves with their own negative self talk. By its very nature it endeavors automatically to encourage bad emotions. It encourages guilt and shame. They might think, “I killed my baby, I’m no good, God and my baby hate me. My baby is in Hell.  God will never forgive me.”

Automatic negative self talk also functions as a disordered conscience. The pathological critic is not our God given conscience, but a controlling overlay installed by the spirit of the world, in union with their fallen nature. 

If we think of the human body as an electrical generator with 100% output, what percentage of the energy is designated to automatic negative self talk? 

With this type of internal dialogue, how can they manage to have any self esteem. It’s never pleasant and doesn’t ever congratulate.

Learning to catch thoughts in real time is the beginning of the healing process. In order to fix something we have to first see where it is broke.

The cure for automatic negative thoughts is to not let judgments installed in the past, define you in the present. This requires purification from the Holy Spirit.

Initially we can catch automatic negative thoughts after the fact. With practice and effort we begin to catch these thoughts closer and closer to when they actually occur as opposed to much later. Eventually we catch them in real time. That is a great improvement. We begin to catch them as, “tip of the tongue” phenomana.”With more practice we become able to catch them before we verbalize the thought and then have a choice to delibertaly act on it or to processes in a way that will be pleasing to Jesus. It is tricky and difficult to catch thoughts, but when practiced it becomes much easier.  It’s really important to catch these thoughts because they can’t be countered until they are caught.

When we become able to catch our thoughts, this ability allows us to reject them. When we reject automatic negative self talk we reverse engineer the installe dysfunctional programming. We begin to be healed when we see the judgment itself as the problem and not us as the problem. This articulation between the judgment and ourselves is the beginning of healing. You really begin to understand that it’s your thinking, feeling, and acting out that’s the problem and you can switch locus of control to the King of Kings.

So the beginning of healing is to discount and devalue the wrong opinion of ourselves.

That’s why positive self affirmations can be helpful. With practice they can rewrite the negative with positive, reverse engineer any post abortion trauma pathology and create a new self narrative. We should replace automatic negative thoughts with validations, talk ourselves up. Secular validations are good, but Christian validations are much more powerful. Validation exercises also help especially when done as a spiritual exercise as opposed to a simple psychological exercise.

Coping self statements. It is our conscious and unconscious perceptions which give meaning to our experiences. Most automatic negative thoughts are unconscious and done without thinking. Christian validations are the antidote. A good coping self statement might be, “I can do this.” A better coping validation statement might be, “Through God all things are possible.” Inserting God into the coping strategy is always best. Validations help a person change their focus from problems to solutions.  First step is usually to become aware and catch our negative self talk. Repudiating the negative self talk with a prayer something like, “In the name of Jesus I rebuke this thought.” So self talk can be positive as when our thoughts and feelings validate who we are. It would be better if self esteem and self worth were motivating a person’s behavior rather than negative self talk.

Through out the day we have a stream of consciousness which goes hither and frow.  It is this stream of consciousness which also includes shame, guilt, automatic negative thoughts, sins of anger, lust, greed, etc.  This interior stream of consciousness can also be focused on good, holy,  and wonderful things.  

In order to get well people have to stop doing the many things they automatically do to make themselves miserable. When thinking about past events many maximize the bad and minimize or forget the good.

People don’t have any difficulty catching their emotions, but that they have great difficulty in catching their thoughts. Both emotions and thoughts can be observed by the attentive, mindful person.

Guilt, Shame, and Anger

These three -guilt, shame, and anger-  are quasi emotional disorders in the sense that they are often written about and treated by mental health professionals. They are not stand alone psychiatric diagnosis, but are pathogenic components to several psychiatric diagnoses. There are no DSM psychological disorders called guilt, shame, or anger. They are often functionally autonomous, and have a life of their own independent of any psychiatric diagnosis.

These three are also singled out as moral emotions since they function within the conscience and can meet the criteria of being sinful. There are two types of guilt, shame, and anger: one type is from God and the other is from the enemy. Most secular counseling view and treat guilt, shame, and anger simply as emotions. Not so in God’s eyes. All three are moral issues.

Suppressed guilt, shame, and anger can build up and explode like a volcano. 

These emotions are reactions to objective and subjective experiences. Ideally a person would feel these emotions to the degree of their actual objective offense. If, for example, the person feels guilty at the level of 10 because they did an objective offense that merits a guilty feeling of 10, that’s congruent. Sometimes the subjective experience far exceeds the normal qui pro quo reality. If a person feels guilt at the level of 10 but they didn’t do anything that merits a response of 10, then that response is irrational.

Just as there are panic attacks, there are guilt attacks, shame attacks, and fits of anger. A guilt, shame, or anger attack can become paired with the location or circumstance. This means those events or locations can trigger a reaction for no reason except conditioning. This gives the environment, as a conditioned stimuli, power to create guilt, shame, and anger. These types of attacks are often experienced by the post abortive.

Guilt, shame and anger are moral consequence to abortion which block post abortions healing. 

Guilt

Guilt from the Holy Spirit convicts us to either avoid sin or make us feel bad after we sin, thus preventing future sin. It can be a help to master temptation. All post-abortive people should, prior to God’s healing, feel post abortion guilt. It is an appropriate precipient to abortion. This guilt is the Holy Spirit pruning them into some more holy shape to draws them toward Himself.

Guilt is also a powerful weapon demons use to manipulate people. Demonic inspired guilt doesn’t convict but condemns and beats people down. This guilt causes the post abortive to never forgive themselfs and causes alientation with God. In the majority of cases abortion and guilt are welded together. An example of demonic inspired guilt would be when a person can’t let go of guilt’s emotional baggage despite absolution. Another consequence of abortion is that guilt haunts them constantly every day. If someone is unable to let go of their guilt, this prevents them from being healed. 

Those complicit in an abortion, are objectively guilty but may block themselves from experiencing the guilt. They quiet the convicting voice of their conscience where the laws of God are imprinted.

Some post-abortive believe that to get rid of their guilt they must punish themselves. Unfortunately the punishment they self inflict fails to relieve their guilty feelings. They become trapped on a merry-go-round constantly compelled to punish themselves.

Do post abortive parents have survivor’s guilt? They survived but their baby died.

When one of God’s laws are broken, we are by definition guilty and this is objective guilt. For example, when someone sins there is guilt.  Specifically, the sin of abortion makes guilt. The post abortive can also generate guilt when they violate the subjective reality of their own interior conscience.  There is a big difference between objective guilt and feeling subjective unmerited guilt. Subjective guilt is motivated by concupiance, the enemy, pathology and imagination, but not reality.

Guilt Attack - Suddenly the person is overwhelmed beyond their ability to function. Guilty people usually punish themselves by continously recycling self-condemnation, self-hatred, low self-esteem. Guilt creates negative self talk which manifests in self-defeating behaviors which only exasperate any problems. 

When a person feels guilty because they are unable to do the morally good things they intend, and they do the immoral things they wish we didn’t, that would make them like the Apostle Paul who likewise struggled (..     .). What about us regular Christians mastering this task which St. Paul didn’t? Because we are under the Adamic curse guilty people have to accept that it’s unfortunately common to occasionally sin, while hoping to never sin.

To get rid of unwanted guilt and shame some people go as far as denying the reality of God, but denying God’s existence doesn’t make God go away. Neither does denying abortions guilt, it just goes unconscious.

Shame

When post abortion shame becomes internalized it creeps very deep within the soul and becomes the person’s identity. From there it produces shame-based thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Once shame becomes internalized the post abortive doesn’t need someone to shame them in order to feel shame. Now all on their own without actually being shamed by another person, merely upon reflecting on their interior stream of consciousness, they experience shame deeply. They become functionally autonomous shame generators making it possible for them to shame themselves with their own negative self talk. Shame is a negative self evaluation of oneself, which is reflected in their negative self talk. The person experiencing chronic shame isn’t experiencing normal life, they are referencing their life based on distorted thoughts and emotions. Many times a person feels crippling shame for no intrinsic fault of their own. 

Wrong in the sense of, “I am wrong. I am broken. I am shame personified.” They don’t think they did a bad thing, like in guilt, but they feel they are a bad thing. 

Shame comes in many forms, shades and degrees. Shame can also manifest as self-neglect like not going to the dentist, doctor, not bathing, not exercising, cutting, attempted suicide. They feel broken or that there is something really bad about them that they will never be able to fix. 

Abortions shame brings heavy emotional baggage. The post abortive re experiences traumatic shame. They bring past shame into the present. 

The person’s shame overwhelms their coping abilities. 

Shame attacks are not listed in the DSM, but they include the following: overwhelming urge to hide or run away, feeling violated, exposed, humiliated, embarrassed. Shame also causes a disconnect in relationship with God.  It makes them run away from God when in common sense it would be best to run toward God. They feel inadequate, worthless, and useless. They wish they were invisible. The person loaths themselves, hates themselves, judges themselves, and condemns themselves. They only see their failures. They tilt their heads down, bend there torso forward, and curve their shoulders inward. Shame attacks include blushing, not looking into a person’s eyes, grinning, crying. Some have difficulty talking while others experience abdominal distress like nausea. A shame attack even mimics some aspects of depression because they might experience hopelessness and despair.  

The post abortive make emotional mountains out of neutral molehills. Shame based people are extremely hypersensitive to even the smallest amount of criticism. Their misperceptions become validation and proof of their unworthiness. Once their perception becomes imprinted into their brain, a myriad of consequent psychiatric and spiritual disorders spring into reality.

A person could have two PhD’s, published books and journal articles, have a tenured position at a prestigious university. To the world they have the look that’s all together and present as strong, powerful, and successful. In their soul they are shaking with shame because their negative self worth is like that of a wounded child.

They judge themselves very harshly and they are often very legalistic about it.

The shameful try three times as hard as other people to fill their self worth but their soul metaphorically has a hole.  So, validation goes out faster than it comes in creating a vacume. They can never fill it, have peace, satisfaction, or acceptance.

Abortions secrecy prevents the post abortive from sharing with anyone, especially those closest to them. They don’t tell family or friends. Some women don’t tell anybody about their plans to get an abortion. They do it secretively all by themselves. People try to keep the shame a secret because they think others would judge them if they let them know what they have done. Not only are they secretive about it, but that secretiveness becomes a defensive style. This creates isolation and emnity while it prevents intimacy.

Some post abortive’s don’t consciously experience shame but they develop an avoidant personality to any stimuli that would unconsciously activate the minutest shame. They appear to be avoiding life’s normal events, but in their hearts they are avoiding their abortion trauma. 

Shame should never be reinforced because all that does is give it a stronger grip. Dwelling on shame empowers it and allows it to creep deeper and deeper into the soul where it matastizes and infects other life domains. Shame doesn’t dissipate like a puff of smoke, rather it submerges deep into the unconscious and ferments, coming out in many different disordered forms. 

When people are healthy and feel like they do not deserve being shamed, they do not absorb shame into themselves, but repel it. The person who suffers from core beliefs of shame will be a shame magnet and feel terrible about themselves.

People who feel ashamed don’t have their regular personality but an altered personality which, based on their shame, effects how they relate to people.

The person suffering from shame accepts without a challenging filter any accusations someone makes about them. Worse yet they distort reality twisting normal things and make them worse.  The shame-based person perceives reality wrong and they interpret from the perspective of disgrace. What makes the internal attributions especially bad is they globalize shame. Once triggered, it’s over generalize. The shame-based person will blame themselves even when they are the victims of abuse. It’s a giant leap in logic to think you’re a bad person because you did a bad thing. Post abortives are called shame-based because their life proceeds from their shame.

Shame is hidden and locked away from awareness but controls behavior.

For some people who feel an excessive amount of shame about themselves, to dissipate their own shame, they feel good only by shaming other people. This is a perpetuation of their dysfunctional behavior and it increases their own shame.

The way to reduce personal shame is by practicing its opposite. If we look at the antonyms to shame we will find respect, etc.  Another way is to stop associating with people who ordinarily shame you. Doing this will make shame become more manageable.

As if self judgment were not bad enough, mixing up the self judgment with who you are as a person is much more problematic. A person takes a specific judgment and erroneously generalizes it to who they are as a person.  Judgments about ourselves and our self-worth.

We don’t want to transfer shame to somebody else, but let Jesus take it.

Anger

The post abortive parent is often a very angry person. Not only is their anger directed at those perceived to be complicit in the abortion, but it spills into other relationships.

There are only a few theories about the causes of anger which range from temptation, unconscious conflict, suffering from unmet developmental needs, as a consequence of sin, and biological deficiencies. Many post-abortive people have anger which is directly caused by their abortion decision.

Some post abortive become so angry at God that they don’t want to have anything to do with Him. They think, “I am done with you!” “What good are you anyway?” Or “You didn’t help when I needed you, so I don’t need you anymore.” “Why did you allow this to happen God?” “Why didn’t you help me decide better?”  “I got into this problem without you and I can get out of it myself.” They hold a grudge against Him and believe He wronged them. They evict God from their hearts and tell Him to leave them alone. Logically this does not make sense as God didn’t force a person to get an abortion.  Nevertheless they find it easier to blame God than take responsibility for their actions.  As Christians we invite God into our hearts, not throw him out. 

There was a man, who as a very young child, became angry at God, and it lasted for thirty years, because God let his parents die.  He stopped praying or going to church.  He deliberately separated himself from God.  As a child, he judged God and determined that, since he prayed to God, God should have let his parents live.  In this case, it is obviously not God who needs to be forgiven, but a delusional thought process which needs to be healed. When they become angry at God they are actually committing character assassination and slander.  It would be a sin to counsel this person to forgive God because God is all good, above reproach, and deserves all our love.

For those who do get angry at God, it is very important that they do not withdraw but instead pray to God.  They should be encouraged to communicate, express, and process that anger to God. Best practice would be to teach them how to pour their hearts out to the Lord, using the gift of tears.  In this way they can express their hearts pain to God instead of bottling it up. 

Some stop praying because they think it’s a sin to pray in an angry state.  This may be because as is written, “When bringing a gift to the alter and you notice you are angry at your brother, put the gift down, first make amends with your brother, then go back and present the gift (     ).

How can someone be mad at God, but they are. Suppose a person is really angry at someone, does that mean they have committed murder in their hearts? (Chapter & verse)

The only way out of this trap is to let God know how angry you are at His Magesty. People mad at God think that telling Him is wrong, bad, or dangerous. It’s not breaking news to God when a soul verbalizes how mad they are at Him. God knows our peoples hearts before they were concieved. When Jesus was asked how to pray he did not say prayer was unnecessary. He actually gave excellent guidelines through the “Our Father...” prayer.  Since God already knows our hearts before any prayer, yet He tasks us to pray anyway, wisdom prescribes our prayers are good for our healing. Besides, the psychological cathartic value of prayer, cleans out toxicicity in the soul. 

Since uncontrolled anger can place a soul in hell, logic insists that uncontrolled anger is from the dark side. Man's sinful anger includes screaming, cursing and raging. This unrestrained venting of anger is a sin so it never solves any problem, but only creates new ones. The New Testament puts those who manifest unrestrained anger in the same category as sorcerers, fornicators, homosexuals, drunkards, who will not inherit the kingdom of God (    ). The Holy Bible in Proverbs says that the person who gives full vent to their anger is a fool. 

Unrestrained anger is detrimental to those around the angry person.

Either exploding it outward or imploding it inward are dysfunctional ways to process anger. Anger turned inward doesn’t always turn into depression.  It can also cause self-destructive behaviors. When a person suppresses their anger they are a ticking time bomb and often turn into an exploding volcano. It is like lighting the fuse to a stick of dynamite and not running away.   Anger spins inside their soul like a turbine and generates very negative self talk. Their negative self talk is as gasoline being thrown on fire. It’s problematic because they don’t have the skill set to process it through good communication. 

Anger snowballs and gets bigger and bigger so in order to prevent this cycle anger is behaviorally acted out.

People can become angry for real and for imagined reasons. When getting angry for real reasons, so long as they don’t lose control or express it sinfully, it is a good thing. When getting angry for imagined reasons they enter the ream of psychopathology and there is never a good reason. They treat their imaginary reasons as if they were real reasons.

The angry person is living in a make-believe world that's trapped inside their head. Some express it with their mouths, others with mind games, and some resort to physical violence. In the post abortives mind anger is justified because they imagine the other person made them do it. After the abuser beats his wife he'll say something like this, "If only you didn't burn the hotdogs, I would not have gotten so upset."  The angry person projects their anger onto others. They do not realize that they alone are responsible for their anger. Frustration triggers anger and while they might be the immediate source of frustration, they are never responsible for someone’s anger.

Dysfunctional reasons to feel anger:

If a post abortive mom never has another baby she can become angry at herself for destroying her chance to be a mom in this world.  Now it’s true that a post abortive woman is eternally a mother but the baby is in Heaven. This post abortive women can have a lot of anger at herself for not being able to raise a child. 

A pregnant woman may also be angry at her baby. This too is so contrary to maternal instinct that this anger, through repression, is submerged deep into the unconscious of the mom.

For some people anger might be a barrier against healing after abortion.

Best practice is to resolve anger before going to sleep. It prevent being in a perpetual state of anger. Without this caution, anger accumulates and the person transforms from being angry into an angry person. If they don’t process anger well they often become bitter.

They don't only get angry, they become anger personified. There anger is who they are. 

Rage is to anger as a panic attack is to anxiety. The person filled with rage has internalized anger very deeply.

Catharsis is a good thing, but out of control unrestrained abusive anger has no healing value. It may appear that letting off steam is a good thing but what does it profit a soul to blow off steam at their own souls expense. It generally escalates any situation into World War III. Rage is another example of self-destructive anger because after they finally calm down they usually feel guilt, shameful, and remorse. 

Ephesians 4:31 – “get rid of openness, rage and anger.

The angry person has to make a decision to let go of their anger.  Then they have to ask God to help them let it go.  If they try through self-sufficiency they can only manage it but they cannot heal it. Until anger is processed out it prevents the post abortive from getting in touch with their true and deeper feelings. Best practice is to process it with God through prayer and fasting. This can clean the soul.  We may not be able to control our anger’s physiological reactions, cognitons, or emotions but we can control our behavior. Until God heals the anger they must manage their anger in a way which gives glory to God. 

If tempted to anger, the task would be to transform the temptation into a trigger to pray.

Shame is an affective complex. Guilt is a cognitive complex. Since both have objective and subjective aspects, healing can go cognitive or affective. But best practice would be an affective approach to shame which would include a lot of compassion and a cognitive approach to guilt which would include processing thinking errors. 

Some people choose to go numb instead of experiencing anger. This is another dysfunctional way to handle anger. This is different than the wife who is in an emotionally abusive relationship who goes numb. She has entered into an emotional divorce, where she is closing her heart.

There are several dysfunctional ways to process anger:

The passive aggressive type of angry person is often very sarcastic. Sarcasm is a cowardly way to express anger. The sarcastic person says something which has two meanings. There is a text and sub text. The text is ambiguous but the sub text is always a zinger. When the sarcastic attack is challenged the perpetrator typically responds with, “I was just joking.” This is an excuse or more accurately, a rationalization, used by sarcastic people to shift the blame from themselves being rude to their victims misunderstanding. Best practice is to say, “Bad joke.”  When anger is acted out in passive aggressive ways, the angry person hurts others under the guise of humor and inoncence.

There is a surge of adrenaline and excitement attached to anger. Some pathologically use their anger as a pseudo-intimacy. These people become dependent on fighting to feel close. This is profound psychopathology, called by laymen, “Fight Junkies.”

There shame-based low self image is subjectively mitigated by their anger. This is because it is easier for them to feel anger than feel shame. Anger allows the post abortive to emotionally disconnect from their pain. Their anger changes the shame generating conversation into something else - an argument. Like a child’s temper tantrum adults use anger to control others. Proof is as soon as they get what they want their anger disappears. When allowed to control others by their anger they are encouraged to repeat their manipulative anger ploys. When someone is being irrationally angry it is OK to stop them. At the same time it's prudent not to do things to escalate their anger.

When people have anger because their beliefs and values are challenged, this is called moral or righteous anger. Sometimes moral anger is used as a polite way of being judgmental. This angry person feels justified because they think they have certitude about a moral issue. When an important moral value is encroached, this anger is not a sin, but is justly called for. Jesus demonstrated non sinful moral anger in the temple when he chased out the money changers.

When very young, if your parents punished you for being angry, child learn to suppress angry feelings in front of their parents. When this becomes deeply ingrained and internalized these feelings are inserted into the forming personality leading them to delusionaly believe that they, not their behavior, are unacceptable.

Pray against anger or pray for peace. It is either pushing or pulling.  Both ways are a fine Christians choice. That is why this retreat is the exact prescription to be healed from their abortion trauma.

Unforgivenes 

The post abortive may confuse forgiving with pardoning, forgetting, or reconciliation. To offer pardon to someone who has hurt us involves both the recognition that an injustice occurred and a decision to respond to that injustice with mercy. It’s a moral gift to an undeserving person. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. God probably forgets our sins, but us humans have an elephants memory. Forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation either. We can forgive someone and decide not to stay in relationship with them. This may be necessary when the offender can’t be trusted to stop hurting us. For example, a woman may forgive her physically abusive husband but never expose herself to a beating by moving back home with him.

During the post Abortive’s life there were abortion related people who have hurt and offended them. Matthew 6:14-15 teaches, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us” is prescribed by Jesus for healing our own soul. So the more we forgive others the more able we are to forgive ourselves. It is therefore very important to forgive those who sinned against us.

Without forgiving others sins, God healing us can become blocked.  The parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35) illustrates this.  A man was forgiven a great debt. Although he was forgiven a great debt, he refused to forgive someone’s little debt owed to him. The story ended with this man's original debt being reinstated.  God wants the post abortive to forgive those who have sinned against them because it will release them from their own hurt which would otherwise ferment in their soul.  God wants everyone to be as generous in forgiving others as He is in forgiving mankind (Ephesians 4:32).  It is more than God's desire for us to forgive each other, it is a mandate (Colossians 3:13).  

Very sadly, some post Abortive’s have an impenetrable fortress of unforgiveness, much of which exacerbates post abortion trauma. They have created an emotional mind trap which sucks the life from their soul, or at the least, from their personality.

Confession to God, through the Sacrament is necessary, while confession to another person, is sometimes helpful and healing, but must be done with discernment and prudence.  For example, recovering alcoholics have an unnatural propensity to expiate their guilt by confessing their offenses. They confuse their motive of selfish guilt reduction for some more noble reason. Just because confession is cathartic is no reason to further damage another. How many alcoholics with less than a year in sobriety have tried to make amends with their spouse by admitting adultery and lost the love of their life forever? Confess it to God, go to confession and sin no more.  Not telling the spouse can be an act of mercy. Your continued suffering with guilt could be a penance and price to pay for such a grave sin. However, wisdom may task disclosing to the person sinned against.  This may be necessary when the offended person knows about the sin committed against them. Confession may be the only way the offended person can be moved to forgive. Confession is more than an apology. It includes heart felt repentance, a firm resolution to amend your life, Contrition not attrition, a genuine metanoia. The act of confessing combined with absolution removes 100% of any spiritual guilt, which has a great benefit to emotional health. Confession is very cathartic and gets rid of a lot of emotional toxicity. Sometimes confession and repentance are not enough to re establish broken relations. Restitution may be necessary to help the offended party to be able to forgive. In this case restitution is ministering to the offended party who needs such evidence to move their heart into forgiveness. 

For some, forgiveness requires asking the person we offended to forgive us. This is impossible for the post abortive parent because they can’t actually communicate with the deceased child. They have to process in faith. 

For most of us it’s easier to forgive someone who apologizes.  What about the person who doesn’t apologize. What about the person who not only doesn’t apologize but blames you?  Forgiveness is often difficult but when the guilty party doesn’t care and is not asking for forgiveness or has not met any other condition or pre requisite, we are still tasked to forgive them. We can choose to have mercy, not judgment, and forgive them their sins.  We can erase the quid pro quo recorded in their ledger. Forgiving the offender doesn’t really just let the offender off the hook. This allows disengagment from the battle and to be at peace.

Another obstacles which block the post abortives healing is when they don’t forgive themselves. Many post abortive parents don’t forgive themselves, don’t accept God’s forgiveness, and don’t forgive those who they see as having been involved in their abortion experience.  When unforgiveness is embraced in a heart, a very powerful impediment to receiving God’s healing grace is established. As Catholics we are tasked with forgiving even the abortion clinics staff for their sins against us. Even something like the coarseness of bedside manner may be indelibly remembered as offensive. Loving our enemies would be an example of a living sacrifice.

There are at least 4 more reasons: they project their fault on to others, and therefore do not experience guilt or shame; they did something so bad they are unable to let go of it, or, the experience has become forgotten and unconscious. Forgiveness is often a tricky task to accomplish because some offenses can be imaginary. We perceive things wrong, think about them wrong, and then come to a conclusion that someone did something wrong, when in reality they didn’t. 

When a person forgives themselves, not only are they forgiven but they are also the forgiver. Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest and most wonderful things.

The inability to extend forgiveness is actually a temptation. Therefore, resist the temptation. Don’t indulge in them. Pray against these temptations. The more we practice forgiveness, the more we are delivered and set free from our own interior pain. 

There are temporal consequences caused by the mortal sin of abortion. Forgiveness helps lessen sins temporal and ephemeral consequences. The post abortive can also quell consequences by doing good works, i.e., penance. If it’s God’s choice to give temporal punishment to the psyche, then possibly the post abortion guilty is God’s will which they reject, but should accept. Any suffering they go through can be like “time served” in the legal sense of the phrase. A person gets arrested doesn’t have bail money, after a month winds up in court, the judge say’s guilty. The sentence is one month. You served one month and are now released. They may suffer so much on Earth that they can lessen purgatory time. Only God knows.

Many of the psychological problems post Abortive’s present with are not fixable by either secular or Christian counseling until their capacity and willingness to forgive increases. Willingness more than capacity because an “A” in effort means a lot. The decision to forgive is deeply appreciated by God despite our failed attempts.

If they repent and confess their sins, God is faithful and just and will forgive their sins and purify them from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).  Since the repented sin of abortion is truly forgiven, there is therefore, no condemnation, for those who are in Christ Jesus. God’s divine mercy, his healing grace, his love for the repentant covers a multitude of sins. 

You can cooperate with God’s healing grace by practicing forgiveness- receiving it and giving it- which is the royal road to acquire post abortion healing. Practice forgiving others, don’t worry about them forgiving you. God, through his divine mercy offers great hope and consolation to those repentant but still suffering souls. Forgiveness plows through all sorts of interference, to destroy impediments to healing grace.

If you can’t forgive others, perpetually practice praying for them.  If you can manage this you will automatically begin to forgive them. Pray that God would have mercy on them, forgive them their sins, protect them from all evil, and bring them to everlasting life.  We are even instructed to pray for those who curse us (     ).  It’s Jesus’ marching orders for all Christian Soldiers. The more a person intercedes for someone who has offended them and for whom they are having difficulty forgiving, the more forgiveness naturally springs up from within their soul. So there is a correlation between intercessory prayer for those we have difficulty forgiving and actually experiencing forgiveness for those people. It’s the same principle as in the song that says, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”

Ideally, the post abortive would repent because they were heartily sorry for offending God, because they detested their sin of abortion, because they dread the loss of heaven and the pains of Hell, and because they hurt, disappointed, let down and offended God who is all good and deserving of all their love. They made a decision to firmly resolve, with the help of God’s grace, to make amends with God and others, and especially to amend their lives. Under these conditions, healing can proceed relatively quickly, with the fewest detours, bumps or obstacles.  When any of these conditions are lacking, the more they lack, the higher the chances of continued post abortion trauma. Beg God to open up the floodgates of his divine mercy to heal you.

If a person is angry with you and you know you wronged them, best practice would be to make an apology with restitution.

Many people truly believe that they have done all the forgiveness work necessary to heal themselves from their post abortion experience. This is not always true. Their full work is undone and incomplete. They are still in the midst of a healing trial. They know that all practicing Catholics are tasked with forgiving others so they trick themselves into thinking they have completed the task. Underneath the surface there is a very active unprocessed bubble of non forgiveness. Cognitively a person may know that God has forgiven them but emotionally their painful memories are strong. Actually they only partially forgave. It seems that healing programs which are bible studies only touch the post Abortive’s mind but their hearts remain untouched. They have not poured their hearts out to the Lord in tears. These programs heal their minds, but not their hearts.  Often we hear people say that they have already done and completed their forgiveness work.  Most often they may have completed the cognitive aspects of forgiveness. 

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